WordPlay

What was I saying on Friday? About our animals and how they embarrass us in public?

Well.

If you want to be embarrassed in public, aim yourself at a puppy fun match in rally and obedience for the first time in nearly three years, and then work double quadruple kilruple overtime the weeks before, so you have no time to review the finer points of the sports involved.

You know, like just what do those rally station signs mean exactly, again? And which ones have changed since I last did this? And in obedience heeling patterns, which direction is “about turn” again? Heh heh heh.

Then get up really really early, in a body that doesn’t allow caffeine.

But if you REALLY want to be embarrassed, take not only your trained adult dogs, but an adolescent boy Beagle you’ve had for all of three weeks and with whom you spent the majority of the time just dealing with separation anxiety created by his transition.

Yeah, that should just about do it.

Let’s just say the obedience judge was Not In The Mood.

Only one thing to do:
–Apply permasmile.
–Pretend not to notice puppy brainsplosion.
–Totally fake it.
–Thank the judge at the end and FLEE! FLEE FOR YOUR DIGNITY AND YOUR LIFE!

While, of course, never letting the puppy have a clue that he isn’t brilliant. “Isn’t this fun?” you tell him. “Weren’t you a good boy?”

And in the background you hear the sound of a phaser on overload.

That’s the sound of the puppy’s brain.

Well, we didn’t come entirely unprepared for this whole venture. We didn’t fail to give the puppy tools to deal with it. So into the crate with him for quiet time with a few interspersed walkies, and several busy-with-the-other-dogs hours later it’s his turn for rally. By then I’ve relearned all the signs I got wrong in Excellent and Advanced, and Novice is easier anyway. By then, too, it’s REALLY HOT out in the sun. Puppy has been pondering life in a shaded crate; handler is showing definite signs of wilt.

“Let’s go do some rally! Won’t this be fun!”

Puppy: Will there be hot dogs?

Me: Yes! There will be hot dogs!

Puppy: I feel a hint of brain coming on.

And lo, he Qs on his very first rally leg, three weeks into our life together. Of course, this is a fun match. It doesn’t count. But it’s fun!

“Yay, puppy!” you tell him.

“I…” he says. “I think I liked that.”

Off to the only thing that actually counts, with no expectations–the CGC (Canine Good Citizen) test. So many things on this test–cleverly designed to pinpoint the things that are behavior buttons for many dogs–are exactly the things this puppy has struggled profoundly with during his transition time, a time during which his very cleverness bushwhacked his ability to cope. “I love people!” has been replaced by “Stranger Danger!” and “I don’t care about other dogs!” has been replaced by…well…”Strangrrrr Danjrrrr!”

And then there’s the fact that what with everything he’s had to learn, one of these skills was something you thought to introduce to him the day before. D’oh.

But lo. The puppy’s brain has engaged. “Will there be hot dogs?” he asks.

“When we’re all done,” you tell him. “Just kisses until then.”

“Well,” he says, “there are just way too many strangers here and way too many strange dogs, and I can’t be bothered to fuss about them. What were our new rules again? The parts about downing and staying?”

The CGC Test: "I learned this yesterday." (Staying while the handler walks 20' away and back.)

And then he goes out and gets his CGC, which only two days before you would have said was as likely as hitting the NY Times Bestseller list.

(pause for thought.)

So yes, we seek embarrassment! And we get embarrassment! But sometimes we get little miracles, too.

"See my heel-sit!"

My favorite. The leash looks funky only because it's swinging, and it's swinging because this is a REALLY enthusiastic "come to front from heel." Good puppy!

GOOD PUPPY!

Tags: dogs

This entry was posted on Sunday, August 8th, 2010 at 04:00 and is filed under The Dogs!, The Monday Report. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.