WordPlay

I was going to say “Clothes Horse,” but it didn’t quite ring true.

Dart Beagle has been in a dilemma. You see, the days are getting colder, and Dart Beagle has no bedding in his crate.

Why is this, you wonder? Who would deny such a delightful little dog a bit of towel or padding?

Blame it on the Beagle. At some point during his rocky transition into the household–during which he had a lovely poofy crate bed indeed–he came to the conclusion that rather than moderating his toilet activities for the new circumstances, it was A VERY FINE THING INDEED to pee on one’s bedding.

I mean, how convenient is that? When it’s nice thick bedding, it soaks down and you barely know it’s there. Then the human magically replaces it with clean bedding for the next night! If it’s just a token towel, one can skillfully pee RIGHT ON IT and then shove it aside. Again, out of the way. Again, magically replaced!

Yeah, that didn’t last long.

So Dart Beagle has no bedding in his crate, no he does not.

But the nights have been getting cold. And Dart Beagle has been getting woeful.

Loudly woeful.

He is, as it happens, a thin-coated and thin-skinned sort of dog.

WOOEEEEEOOOOEEEEEOOOOEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

With some trepidation, I decided to try him with a coat. Thanks to the agility activity around here, we have a number of them. Partly because Beagle I is very hard to fit (he is wonderfully square in basic conformation, just as a Beagle should be, but as many breeds aren’t), so it took a while to get it right.

And then there’s the way that they go unused except in dire necessity, because he just plain hates being dressed. Time and experience have not remedied this fact. From the first moment he put on his first shirt (protection during an allergy crisis), he has had one thing to say about wearing anything but his collars:

IT OPPRESSES ME TAKE IT OFF.

Most of Connery’s coats now belong to Belle Corgi, who is of the same chest but a much longer back. Which is fine, because she has that chronic back condition and I work pretty hard to make sure she’s never chilled. But she also has her own coats that work better for her needs.

So let us return to Dart. Dart who puts in his mouth every possible thing he imagines might fit in his mouth. Dart who believes every object is potentially his own special toy. Dart, who can suck up said objects and hold them in his very back molars and cheeks like a demented chipmunk before you even realize he’s slipped past.

DART BEAGLE, ADOLESCENT MOUTH MACHINE!

Not to mention that he’s smaller than the other two, so any coat I might offer him is just a tad too big.

I decided to go for a token coat the first time. A too-small terrycloth thing purchased as a cool coat (get wet, put on dog…works a treat in the desert air, protects from the sun). I figured…lightweight and snug. And no huge loss if he chewed it.

Well.

The feel of it against his skin-hair turned him into a manic air-flipping play-diving gymnast bundle of insanity.

I thought, “So much for THAT, but he’s having fun for the moment, I’ll wait till he thinks to chew it off.”

He didn’t.

He slept in it that night. And the next.

Well…wooha! But not enough to keep a thin-coated, thin-skinned little dog warm at night in this pellet-stove heated house come winter. Not when he’s already cold. So with some further trepidation, I pulled out Beagle I’s despised polar fleece blankie.

(Here he is despising it. OPPRESSED.)

Takeitofftakeitofftakeitofftakeitoff

On Dart, the coat is just a wee bit, shall we say, sloppy. It took him by surprise and for the first few moments he explored it–shall we say–with his mouth. I suggested that he not.

And then he didn’t. Then he trotted smugly around.

“I AM IN MY BLANKIE!”

JAMMIES! JAMMIES! MY JAMMIES!

And lo, it is quiet at night. And the vibes of contentment ooze from the blanketed one. So meet Dart Beagle, Clothes Dog!

We’re kinda hoping he grows out of that peeing on the bedding thing, though.

Tags: dogs

This entry was posted on Monday, September 6th, 2010 at 04:00 and is filed under The Dogs!. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.