WordPlay

by Doranna

I’m slow off the mark on this one. I should have been celebrating out loud at least a week ago.  But it turns out that TAMING THE DEMON should have gone into production right about the time Sandy hit, so by the time they were able to get to it a couple of weeks ago, the time crunch was pretty crunchy.  And that means I’ve just done two weeks of back-to-back production rush.

*blink*  What day is it, anyway?

So I have good news, and I have good news!

For starters, I’ve just signed on to do four more Nocturnes.  Two will be in the Sentinels series, and the remaining two have yet to be decided.  We get to see how things go–after all, next year will see the release of the Demon Blade series.  Who knows?  Maybe we’ll decide to play in that seriesverse some more…

And speaking of the Sentinels…there’s a new book in the line-up, oh yes there is!  KODIAK CHAINED just hit the shelves!

Yes!  I went to the local SF/F convention this past weekend!  And lo, the people were wonderful and the hotel was lovely and the programming was FUN!

WAY TOO MUCH FUN!

And that would be why, instead of writing a REAL blog, I’m going to bed.  Splat.  Collapse.  Splooge.  What indulgence!  I’ll dream up details for the current round of Nocturne proposals and smile in my sleep at just how happy it makes me to talk to people who enjoy my books.

I hope you had a good one!

Sadly, as I have learned this week, white Jesus rides badly.

Very badly.

He does it while wearing a big gold crown and using a bridle made of gold, which is certainly all very much in keeping with the Jesus in my Bible.  (Do I need to explain that this is sarcasm?  No?  Good.)

It’s no wonder that white horse is scowling.  (Or maybe it’s because of whatever happened to his poor right foreleg, which appears to be a victim of “I have to draw this horse, but don’t know either equine anatomy or foreshortening.”)

I’m mostly bemused by this image–which came to me in a marketing flyer courtesy of my PO box, and is a solicitation for a…

A…

Hmm.  A gathering of people who will tell you their version of what Revelations means while pretending it’s THE version of what Revelations means.  Yes, I guess that’s it.  I don’t mind someone telling me their version of any religion.  But let’s be humble, right?  Let’s suppose that other scholars might have informed interpretations, too.

You know, I once lived down the ridge from a little church that insisted THEIR way was the ONLY way.  They had about 36 members.  I guess heaven won’t be crowded.  But I digress.  Sort of.  Sort of not.

So, yes…I’m mostly bemused, but also angry.  Okay, never mind that Jesus can’t ride.  I would think He could, but…

Mainly, it’s the gold that bothers me.  And it’s the haughty expression.  And the whiteness.  And the pandering implied by all these things.

I don’t need pandering.  I don’t need my Jesus to be the same color as me when He very likely wasn’t (or at least not quite that white–and since we don’t really know, how about a nice reasonable guesstimate of middle ground?), and I don’t need Him trapped out in riches.  And I really don’t need this in my mailbox.

Mind you, it’s fine with me if this image floats your boat.  But if it’s in my mailbox, I’m going to talk about it my way.

And my white horse would dump this rider and his perchy little seat and his flailing hand right into the mud.  Which is fine, because I happen to think  we all deserve better than this, in all respects.  Quit breaking religion, People Who Send This Stuff Out.  And quit pretending your way is the only way.

You know what I mean?

Sales!  Freebies!  Instant gratification!  Brain candy!

I know, I’m shameless.  But so goes the July newsletter, reproduced below only in part, because yeahhh…in order to clickie on the linkies, you need to see a live version.

The live version is here.

At this link.

Where the freebies live.

Click click click!

(If you’d like to sign up to get the newsletters in your mailbox so when I post them here, you can feel all smug and “I already have it!”, there’s a link in the right sidebar.

And all the really cool links are down below the scroll...

Are you in the mood for freebies?

Without willpower, I am bad.

Because this has been another One of Those Weeks so far, I am without willpower.

Therefore I am bad.

Therefore, I offer to you on this blog day, an excerpt from a book I recently read.  No, I’m not telling you who wrote it, but I will tell you this one goes into my files.

I’ll also mention that it wasn’t the only such “you said WHAT now?” passage in this book (which is what makes it fair game).  Or that the frequency of same didn’t again make me despair at the obvious fact that careful craft and prose don’t necessarily equal sales, and sales don’t necessarily equal careful craft and prose.  (Because yes, you can imagine that this author is not, as I am, a midlister.)

And no, I’m not taking the easy way out.  I’m not reading from Shades of Grey.

After all that, are you ready?  Are you over eighteen?  Okay, over sixteen?  Okay, not me who stumbled over my first explicit novel at 13yo when I found it–literally–in the gutter?  And read it because of COURSE I read it?

Here you are.  The day’s wisdom in abbreviated blog form:

“…but his sensual lips had the ability to make her panties wet just looking at them.  And she didn’t want to remember how they’d tasted.”

You’re welcome.

Do you like fish?

Seafood?

Lobster and sushi and oysters and crab squid and octopus and heck yes, freshwater fish?

I don’t.

I really don’t.

GET AWAY FROM ME WITH THAT THING.

Which is kinda sad, as there’s the whole omega thing, food variety thing, and all the social drooling that occurs over various fish things–never mind mind a childhood with a fly-tying dad who provided much in the way of fish for the table.

So lately I’ve been trying this and that fish item.  On the whole, if I put enough ketchup on it (and that’s a lot of ketchup), there are a number of breaded fishes I can force myself to swallow.  Can’t you just see me elbowing to get in line for this?

Maybe not.

But then, finally…a fish.

Isn’t it charming?

It’s called basa, and who knew?  It’s not too fishy in taste or texture.  It’s not too dry, either.  I can eat it with just a little bit of ketchup.  It’s not even outrageously expensive. At last, I can partake of fish now and then!

Just PUT THAT SUSHI AWAY.

It’s Sunday night.  ConneryBeagle would very much like to be writing a blog. However, I’m in the process of discovering–and admitting–that although tonight–after a week of work–I should have finished my computer restoration process, I’m suddenly beginning from scratch.

Don’t even ask.  Let’s just say when it went wrong, it did so at a fundamental level, and really, really fast.

So this is the blog for the day: a mental image of rending of clothing, tearing of hair, smearing of ashes, and generalized sobbing.  Soon I think we can add “talking fervently to self in alarming mutters.”

Send chocolate.  Send fluffy bunnies.  Send a clone or maybe a brain repair kit.

See you on the other side.

This is not just what my computer looks like right now.  This is what my brain looks like right now.

It’s a new computer.  It has no excuse to be doing this.

I AM NOT PLEASED.

It’s also my primary computer.  I’m working on a back-up system with enough age and tech obsolescence that it can handle a limited gamut of tasks, none of which include the things currently on my deadline list.

It ain’t pretty.

Neither is this office.  For somehow it’s written–the computer does not blow up in the week you’ve got everything under control.  It blows up the week after you’ve gone into a creative fugue to finish the book (Sunday), the week in which the house is upside down because major appliances are misbehaving, and the week after web work has been piling up due to actually being out of the office for a few days.

Let’s just say the Chaos Factor was at a delicate balance point.

The computer, meanwhile, is looking to be terminal.  So how soon I get back all my “this is how I earn my groceries” functionality, I do not know.  The first step is to regain sanity.  (One giant step for me-kind.)

I’ll let you know how that’s going.

PS Yes I have data back-ups.

PPS Yes I have secondary data back-ups.

PPPS Do you?

You wouldn’t think these things have much to do with one another, but last weekend…

Actually, last weekend should have been all about an agility trial, and mostly it was–and it also deserves its own little chatter.  It is, however, the reason we were awake at 4:30 am when the septic system gave a few forlorn burps and commenced to flow backwards at some speed.

Now is the time to count our blessings, right?  My first thought was that I was going to miss a day of the agility trial, WAHH!  My second thought was…if not for the agility trial, I would still be asleep.  And the septic backflow, which was being driven by the soft water recharge process, would have merrily gurgled onward to do more than flood the shower and tub and a goodly part of the master bath.  It would have filled the bathroom and crept right out into the bedroom carpet…squish…squish…squish…

*shudder*

So when I should have been memorizing agility courses, I was calling around for emergency service, waiting for emergency service, supervising emergency service…listening to the dire predictions of Guy #1 while we waited for Guy #2…

Thankful Part Two:  Guy #1 was wrong.  Although the system is only a couple of years old, it was indeed a simple blockage at the leech flow, which messed with the drainage from the house and created a big blockage at that end, too.  All is pumped and new again.  And since I sprayed down the bathrooms with pet accident solution while they were still wet and followed it up with a bleaching later on, even the smell is gone.

So that was the start of the weekend.

How did the weekend end?  WIN, that’s what.

Ten days earlier, Connery had gone out to the city to help search for an injured cat–and he found it, too.  But the cat was in better shape than expected, and ultimately eluded the humans.  Since then, there’s been a humane trap in place near where Connery found the cat hiding, but…the truth is, those involved were beginning to give up hope.  Actually had given up hope, on Saturday.

But when I came home on Sunday, I found an email from the cat’s human: The cat had been trapped!  The cat was well!  He does, in fact, have a broken foot, and specialists are pondering what to do about that, but he was otherwise in good shape, and his wounds were healing.

I WAS SO EXCITED!!

So it was a weekend that started with AURGH!!, had a bunch of silly young Dart Beagle in the middle, and ended with OHMYGOSHHOORAY!

At least things are flowing in the right direction this time.

Yup, this post is here for one reason and one reason alone. It’s not particularly cute or clever and it can’t even pretend it’s not promotional.

Backlist eBooks has had a holiday sale in play since the 23rd of December–a collection of 99c “Try Me” opportunities from the authors at Backlist eBooks. When January 8th rolls past, so does the sale.

Clickie => Backlist eBooks

Backlist eBooks has over a hundred veteran authors and nearly 700 out-of-print books now reborn–even in the past week, we’ve welcomed new authors into the fold. Meanwhile, the books that aren’t on Try Me status are still priced for convenience, making them publisher books at indie prices.

So, y’know…come on by, take a look around! If you’re not in the mood for a new read, sign up for our newsletter and we’ll let you know about the next sale. 8)